It’s OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.

Posted in ADHD, Family, Learning on February 4, 2009 by navasha123

We had to make a decision a few hours ago. It was not an easy one to make and honestly the only thing that is going to make me change my mind is if I loose faith in what I am about to do. Why is it always easier to have faith in others and always so much more difficult when you need to believe in yourself.

I have been okay with making choices that impact me but some how I always second guess myself when it comes to my children. Its hard to make choices for others when you know that the choices you make will have an impact on their lives forever. If I look back on the research I have done thus far I can honestly say that the choices I am making are informed ones. When we decided to go this route we were sure this was in our babies best interests.

I suppose that at this point the best thing to do is take that leap of faith and see which way it goes. I know I will have to brace myself for comments and snide remarks.Its already started coming in waves from our own family. Lets hope we have the strength to ride these waves as a family. This could just be the test we need.

Advertisements

Love is my Sword, Goodness my Armor, And Humor my Shield

Posted in Reflection Time on February 3, 2009 by navasha123

I was fortunate enough to have an interesting conversation with a friend whom I never see .  I think if we were ever given the chance to meet in real life we probably would not have become friends as quickly as we have. We are two totally diffident people.  Yet while we are chatting on mail we seem to have the same goals, being mothers, learning about others and just trying to make what we have good. Its days like this that I truly appreciate her.  So today I am going to talk about her because I don’t think she knows how wonderful she really is.

My friend, this interesting, funny, wholesome woman is a lovely friend. Some days I dont think she sees it. Like most of us she probably gets so busy in her daily activities so she does not see we everyone around her does. Some days I believe shes so busy making the world around her a beautiful place she does not notice that the main reason it is what it is, is beacuse she is who she is.

My friend, has courage. No matter how many times she gets knocked down in life she always gets up. My friend has honesty. She has never been the type of person who would pretend to have  an unrealistic life, or brag about being some perfect mother who can manage it all. She doesn’t need to you see,  beacuse she is so much more.  She has this incredible amount of hope. That is her best quality, hope that keeps going. When I talk to her and I feel that hope and that quiet confidence she has within, and then it spills over to my side of the screen too.

To my friend I hope you are reading this today, I hope that you really understand that the world is a better place beacuse you are who you are.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?

Posted in Dad, Family, Reflection Time, Time together on February 2, 2009 by navasha123

I was going to post about Vaughn staying at home today, how  it was quite a blessing for me since today I was rather busy.

I was going to share how impressed I am with how he managed to play house day on his day off and how he started by getting Jasmyne ready for school. How he remembered the show and tell and managed to give Jazz a good explanation on weavers  and their nests and then still packed the swimming gear before heading off to school! He even managed a brief meeting with her teacher about our idea on using a stress ball in class during lessons and how we believe it could help in class.

I probably would have gone into detail about I arrived to CLEAN HOUSE, the lasagna was in the oven baking, Jasmyne had put together the garlic rolls and Abigail was in the process of setting the table.

If I had not turned on the TV when I did I would have probably gone into detail about making a dash to the school for the first PTA meeting, which left Vaughn to help Jazz finish her home work, make sure both kids brushed teeth and read to them before bed.

But I did turn on the TV when I did and what I saw numbed me to the core. Oprah had a show about super moms who make mistakes not just burn the toast before breakfast mistakes. Mistakes that cost lives. Mistakes that can not be fixed no matter how super these moms are. I was busy packing my bags to run out to my meeting when something in me just said stop. I walked over to the TV and slowly felt my bag slipping to the floor. I was still listening with one ear on the TV and the other on the kids when I realised I was probably watching myself on TV. A me that had managed to get lucky thus far. I do try be all that, I work hard at being the best mom I can be the bar has been set very high by ME and only me.

It was one of those fluorescent light bulb moments for me as I realised that joining the PTA this year would not be a good choice. No one would benefit from this choice. My kids dont need a mother who can do it all they need a mother who can love them more. It was so easy to understand that how come I had never seen it before!

So I wont join the PTA this year I will rather spend my evenings at home reading books to my girls and baking muffins. At school functions I wont be the mother selling tickets and refreshments I will be the mother in the photos with my children! When it comes to rasing funds I will be the mother who hands over R50 to the school and runs off to play with the kids. And guess what? There will be no guilt not one inch. And you know why? Beacuse I know I have made my choices and the real super moms of the world have made theirs. So tonight I am packing up my cape, for good. Who wants to be a super hero anyway ….

Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.

Posted in Reflection Time on February 1, 2009 by navasha123

I decided today was my time off day. I slept in and packed jazz off to church. I really did want to go along today but I had other things to deal with. It makes me wonder if I will ever really make the time to go or if I am only fooling myself in to thinking I will go one day. The veggie picking day we had planned also turned out to be a no go, so we have postponed the day.

Anyway there is no point in crying over spilt milk, truth betold I really did enjoy my day off. I stayed in my PJs all day slept in the morning and then made a huge bed in the lounge for the four of us in the afternoon. We made a huge bowl of pop corn while we watched a fish tale.

Its amazing how long kids can be entertained by popcorn. These tiny fluffy little puffs are rather intresting. We play a game called can you guess. You grab a popcorn and then based on the shape you decide what the little pop corn could be. Jazz has a lovely imagination we had dinosuars, people, animals. abby just loves the feeling of crushing them in her little hands.

I think the perfect way to end this day can only be back in bed with my book and a huge cup of hot chocolate!

Debate is masculine, conversation is feminine.

Posted in growing up, Letting those who matter know, Time together on January 31, 2009 by navasha123

I realised this evening that I really miss my old life. I really love what I have now but there is a part of me that will always look back and wonder.

We ended up at a braai at a friends house. It was lovely to meet some new faces and see some old ones. I enjoyed seeing the old varsity faces again.I was taken back to the old days where we would enjoy a glass of wine and debate the strangest things until we had nothing left to say. I have to giggle thinking back now at how interesting small company mentality vs big company mentality could be.

In many ways I would love to have my cake and eat it. I would love to go back to weekends spent sleeping in and going out to fancy lunches. I miss going out shopping and spending all my money of shoes and crazy hairstyles. Going out until 3am and crawling back in to bed fore the sun rises. I enjoyed my other life, it was so good in so many ways. Its not nearly as good as what I have now but it still makes me glow thinking back.


Beware of those who would use violence, too often it is violence they want and neither truth nor freedom.

Posted in Best friend, Family, Girls Time on January 30, 2009 by navasha123

Jasmyne and I spent the evening together this evening.  Her school picnic had been moved due to the rain so she was feeling rather disappointed.

We sent dad off to go see his friends and then made a huge bowl of popcorn and put on a movie. Honestly Igor is not a kids movie and I really wish I had watched it before I put it on for her. I sincerely hope that this movie was not aimed at the childrens’ target market when it was made. Everything was about being evil and destruction. I ended up turning it off half way as Jasmyne and I had lost interest. Once Jasmyne was sleeping I managed to finish the movie. It was painful.

I am honestly stunned at what movies are being produced for children. Its mostly adult humor and the violence in them is terrible. Since when did it become acceptable practice to blow up as many things as possible in a childrens movie? Is that meant to be entertaining? Really?

I wish these animators and producers would wake up, with the amount of power they have one would think that they have the opportunity to change the world in their animation. There was a time where people all over the world were fighting for peace. Now war has taken over and its all we see and experience. Its rather tragic.

The movie starts off with the scientist blowing himself up. Strike One . There is a scene in Igor where the monster has an opportunity to be brain washed to be an axe murderer. Strike Two. They have some stupid suicidal rabbit who cant die  yet he keeps trying to! Strike Three. I have many strikes on this movie but these three really stand out in my mind. I am not even going to go in to how distasteful I found it to use the musical annie in the last fight sceen or how laughing at blind orphans is supposed to be funny?

And we wonder why children are so messed up. This is not the first movie or TV series that has had me sitting there mouth wide open. Bolt came pretty close with its action sceen. This just happens to be the last straw movie. I am most certainly going to make a concered effort to screen all the movies the kids watch from now on.

We all leave footprints in the sand, the question is, will we be a big heal, or a great soul.

Posted in ADHD, Sad, School, Teacher on January 27, 2009 by navasha123

It was my pull your head out the sand day, today was our one on one meeting at school with our new teacher. Admittedly I was a little apprehensive about going. I have this fear that we stumble into the same problems we had last year. Its so difficult to keeping going when you feel like you are running in one spot all the time. I was under the impression that this meeting was how her teacher, her therapist and vaughn and I were going to synchronize how we were all doing things.

I wish I had normal fears like will my little girl learn how to read or will she learn to swim in time to save her life, instead I worry about will she have the courage to deal with world if I am not there, can she get through school with out getting that dreaded ADHD label, will her busy ways impact on her negatively in relationships with her peers. I mean that’s not normal those fears are just plain weird.

So we walked in and discussed the passed two week. Her teacher really is lovely I can see she is trying hard. It all started the same way. I can see little Jasmyne is bright …. BUT. There it was that dreaded BUT. Oh how I hate that BUT. That word should be eliminated from the English dictionary! If seems as if this year is starting off very much the same as last year. The star chart has been put forward as a possible solution. I know the star chart does not work, I felt like i was being so negative about it. The reality is Jasmyne does not fit the mold, shes not a good little girl who does as she is told with out question. Shes this little girl who questions everything until it makes sense, she enjoys taking on debates and making things work. If she was a fairy she would probably be Tinkerbell!

I believe I have just about ticked off everything on the list, we have done the expensive diet, she is in play therapy, we have changed environments, we are having more family meetings and still fitting in the valuable 15 minutes each a day, we have done the star charts lets face it we have done it all.

I suppose the next step is what I have tried to avoid for so long. We have to go to the neurologist to see what the belive what issue could be. It breaks my heart it really does, when you are trying so hard and nothing works. I am not going to try think about the what ifs at the point, I am just going to keep reading up as much as possible and take it from there when we do this in the end.